Mind Hacker
Posts
10 Toxic Behaviors of Female Covert Narcissists

10 Toxic Behaviors of Female Covert Narcissists

Faraz Ali
May 02, 2025

In partnership with

There’s a kind of emotional abuse that doesn't come with bruises, shouting matches, or obvious manipulation. It comes instead with subtle digs, backhanded compliments, and the constant feeling that you're walking on eggshells, all delivered with a smile. Today, I want to talk about something rarely discussed: the toxic behaviors common in female covert narcissists.

These behaviors aren't official symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder, but they are deeply harmful patterns that can help you recognize covert narcissism when it's hiding behind charm, vulnerability, or kindness. Many victims don’t even realize they’ve been emotionally manipulated until they’re completely drained, doubting their own perception of reality.

Here are ten disturbing yet common behaviors you need to be aware of.

1. Silent Sabotage Disguised as Encouragement

Female covert narcissists often appear supportive on the surface, especially in front of others. They may compliment your achievements, encourage your goals, or celebrate your wins. But behind closed doors, it’s a different story. They’ll quietly inject doubts into your mind with subtle comments like, “Are you sure you’re ready for this?” or “I just don’t want you to get disappointed.” These remarks, though cloaked in concern, are actually small acts of sabotage meant to erode your confidence over time. Their goal isn't to see you fail directly , it's to plant just enough uncertainty that you eventually hold yourself back.

2. Playing the Perpetual Victim

One of the most toxic tools in a female covert narcissist’s arsenal is victimhood. She weaponizes it skillfully, using it to gain sympathy, avoid accountability, and manipulate others. When confronted with her hurtful behavior, she’ll twist the narrative to make it seem like you are the aggressor and she is the one suffering. She might cry, bring up past traumas, or remind you of all the sacrifices she’s made. This tactic can be so disorienting that you begin to doubt your own judgment, wondering if you really were too harsh or insensitive , even when you were simply setting healthy boundaries.

3. Backhanded Compliments and Disguised Jealousy

Rather than express open envy, a covert narcissist will wrap jealousy in layers of sarcasm or passive aggression. Comments like “Wow, I never thought you would pull that off” or “You look amazing , did you finally start working out?” are meant to chip away at your self-esteem while still sounding like praise. These backhanded compliments are not accidents; they are intentional digs cloaked in politeness, designed to keep you feeling small and unsure, especially when you begin to shine.

Start learning AI in 2025

Everyone talks about AI, but no one has the time to learn it. So, we found the easiest way to learn AI in as little time as possible: The Rundown AI.

It's a free AI newsletter that keeps you up-to-date on the latest AI news, and teaches you how to apply it in just 5 minutes a day.

Plus, complete the quiz after signing up and they’ll recommend the best AI tools, guides, and courses – tailored to your needs.

4. Gaslighting with Innocence

Gaslighting is a classic narcissistic behavior, but covert narcissists do it with a twist , they do it softly, innocently, and almost always under the guise of misunderstanding or confusion. If you call them out for something they said, they might reply, “I don’t remember saying that,” or “You’re being too sensitive.” Over time, this subtle denial of your reality makes you question your memory, your emotions, and even your sanity. The worst part? Because they act so innocent, others often believe them over you.

5. Using Insecurity as a Bonding Tool

In the early stages of a relationship, female covert narcissists may open up about their insecurities and past hurts. At first, this vulnerability can seem refreshing and real , but soon, it becomes a weapon. They use it to create false intimacy, hook your empathy, and gain your emotional investment quickly. Later, they'll use those same vulnerabilities to manipulate you , reminding you how “fragile” they are when you try to set boundaries or disagree. It's a form of emotional blackmail that traps you in a cycle of guilt.

6. The Constant Need for Validation Without Reciprocation

Covert narcissists are bottomless pits when it comes to validation. They crave praise, admiration, and attention, but they rarely, if ever, give it back. You’ll find yourself constantly affirming their worth, boosting their confidence, and being there for them emotionally, only to realize that when you need support, they’re either unavailable or indifferent. It’s a one-sided emotional economy, where your energy is drained, and theirs is endlessly replenished.

7. Triangulation and Creating Subtle Rivalries

One particularly cruel behavior is how female covert narcissists create competition among people in their circle , especially among women. They may compare you to a friend or sibling in ways that seem harmless, saying things like, “You’re lucky you don’t have to try as hard as Sarah to get noticed,” or “You remind me of Emily, she’s always trying to be perfect too.” These comparisons are designed to create insecurity, competition, and a quiet sense of rivalry , all while making it seem like they’re just making casual observations.

8. Emotional Withholding as Punishment

Instead of yelling or arguing, a covert narcissist may simply shut down emotionally when they feel wronged. They withdraw affection, ignore messages, become cold, or give the silent treatment , all without any explanation. This passive-aggressive punishment forces you to obsess over what you did wrong, often leading you to apologize for things you didn’t even do. Over time, this conditions you to tiptoe around their moods and cater to their emotional needs in order to keep the peace.

9. Pathological Envy of Other Women

Though she may never admit it outright, a female covert narcissist harbors deep envy toward other women , especially those who are confident, successful, or attractive. This envy often surfaces through gossip, subtle sabotage, or sudden shifts in behavior when another woman is present. You might notice her mood change when someone else gets attention or praise, or see her downplay another woman’s achievements with dismissive comments. This hidden jealousy can turn friendships toxic without anyone realizing why.

10. Turning Others Against You (While Acting Innocent)

Perhaps the most painful behavior is the covert smear campaign. A female covert narcissist will plant seeds of doubt about you in other people’s minds, but she’ll do it so subtly that it seems unintentional. She might say, “I’m just worried about her,” or “She’s been really different lately, haven’t you noticed?” These statements create an undercurrent of suspicion around you, often leading others to distance themselves without knowing why. Meanwhile, she maintains her image as the concerned, caring friend.